I am sitting with my coffee right now. Casually watching a new series and relaxing after quite a while. Well, until then I opened my Instagram and saw you clicked on my story. It’s not much actually, but I still felt relieved somehow that my profile still exists on your timeline.
A couple of months passed by, and I’ve been holding on to this feeling that I thought would easily vanish away when I wrote my previous letter. I would never send it to you yet I wish you found it yourself.
(p.s. if you found this one, you can read the letter here :) https://medium.com/@innayahrahmadini04/hi-i-have-a-crush-on-you-cb7891c3e2e1)
I know it’s strange, but somehow I can not help, that’s just me.
We barely communicate let alone know each other personally. Common things such as what’s our likes and dislikes, our hobbies, and so on more than what we display on our Instagram page. I might just be a profile passing by on your timeline and yeah I think I missed yours too though. After a while, I knew so well that we were still a stranger. You are a stranger and strangely you still lingered in my mind.
I don’t understand myself as well. I don’t know what I am looking for with this feeling. Since I don’t usually, have feelings towards someone I am not close with. For a couple of months, I did forget about you and the whole feelings that I have (although we have no stories together as well). But somehow they made their way up to the surface again and yeah that's just it, I am still thinking bout you. Perhaps I never really moved on or let go of the idea of you in my head to begin with or maybe all of this is just my curiosity about you.
Regardless of those things, I wanna say I am glad for your accomplishments. I am glad for your daily stories. I’m glad our paths crossed once in life and I’m glad you’re doing well.
If somehow this one came to your screen, I also want you to know how I am doing. It’s been a few months since we met, probably a year already (it's 2024 now haha). During these few months, I try to do things from your posts in my dailies, under the assumption that you like doing those things. Well, I enjoy it as well. I don’t know whether it's because the activities truly suit me or because by doing so I feel closer to you than ever.
Nevertheless, as in my previous letter, these feelings encourage me to try better things for myself.
I want to give you some credit for it, but yeah I think you haven’t figured this out. I am too shy to tell you this personally. Let this be my artefact about me when I fell in love. I dunno maybe I will laugh about it someday.
But hey, I did try something though. Put an attempt to know you at the very least ( just in case, I knew you didn’t notice).
To begin with, I am the kind of person who rarely texts someone first, I rarely read my DM yet I prioritize yours (kinda waiting for it), initiate some convos ( which come with stressing my friend out about ‘what should I say to him?’, ‘is it too much?’, ‘omagosh he replies fast, what should I say?’, etc) and now I wrote another thing about you (not to mention more drafts I have on my notion). Well, everything is just simple things but yeah that’s just some accessible attempt that is within my control. As you know, I can only reach you this way due to a lot of circumstances that we had.
My friends have been telling me that maybe it won’t work because you just never meant to each other. That somehow it’s only a phase, a person passing by, a chapter that can easily finished. However, I have always been in denial about that. I keep on thinking that maybe one day, you would feel the same? or everything is just about time? I think I am a bit delusional in this one.
I am ready to accept that maybe we just never meant for each other.
You know there is a saying:
when you want something, the universe conspires to help you get it
I did find this in people’s stories, it does exist in some stories of mine. That is true. But yeah it just doesn’t work for me in this case. In some conversations that we had, I just felt that it was strange. It didn’t feel right. I felt like something was missing. Maybe this is what my friend means about not expecting anything from you.
I think I fell in love with the idea of you in my head instead of yourself. My mistake of letting this happen.
I am sure you’re a good person. It’s just we never really know each other. Maybe in another time or another life? I think you still would’ve turned my head.
One more thing I would say is that I dunno whether you’re single or not (obviously I am). Well share some signs about it will ya?
To be honest, I would feel guilty for myself for having this feeling towards someone who's already taken. I mean I won’t disturb someone’s relationship anyway but yeah still feel guilty for letting this feeling grow to myself.
Nevertheless, whatever the cases are, I hope that you’re always doing well.
That’s all for today,
With love
Nay.
