Hi, it’s been a while since we last met. There are several things that I won’t tell you but I want you to know.
This story began when we accidentally sat at the same table for dinner. Well to make it clearer, I went there with my friends, since there’s no more space. I vaguely remember the moment, since I was casually eating at that time, but I like the way you talked and explained things. The way you talk with a calm manner, explaining things critically yet it's still easy to understand. I found that attractive.
Well, I am not usually this way, but I kept wishing for more all the time after that. Probably the sparks are already there for you, but I just didn’t notice it yet or maybe I did.
Then, the second encounter came. I literally didn’t know what to do, or what to talk about, all I knew was that I wanted more moments with you and yes we’re there. That little conversation made me happy.
Then, the last time we met, the moment was fleeting. I knew it was probably nothing to you, but I cherished that a lot. We had a little conversation again, and to be honest, I was nervous af. I tried to prolong our conversation as far as I could.
However, suddenly my social skills disappeared. I didn’t really know what to say, and I thought you were getting bored with these small talks, so I chose to leave.
I am sorry for making you uncomfortable there.
I want you to know that I was enchanted to meet you.
Those small moments became my core memories of yours, or maybe us where I talked a lot with my friends. I am sure they are getting bored and irritated by it ahahaha.
As time went by, the more I knew you from afar, I realized that yes I have a crush on you and kept thinking about it until now. I didn’t want to make it obvious (even until now) because I am afraid that you might push me away. I couldn’t imagine that but I knew I’d be sad.
I realize that you’re unreachable. There’s the moment when I think like that and choose to let this feeling go. Another day came, then I thought maybe there was a chance. Made me hold onto this feeling once again.
It's been a while.
You know, the moment I decided to write this letter, was because I was trapped in a cycle of agony of ‘what ifs’ about us and debating with myself every night about it.
I kept thinking about,
what if I was smarter?
what if I was prettier?
what if I was more attractive?
what if I took that risk and confessed my feelings?
what if I didn’t talk to you at that time?
would things be different?
No worries though, I am still realistic.
The idea of us ended up together. Deep down, logically speaking, I knew it was too good to be true. We barely know each other, and I have fallen way too hard on the idea of you (well maybe about us) in my head.
I am sure you had much better options than me, and if I were you, I wouldn’t choose me too. Because that’s how less likely it is to be happened in my head, logically speaking.
Well, the good things about this whole new experience are, firstly, I can relate to more Taylor Swift’s songs (especially August hahaha), and I found my perfect shades and style of make-up. I knew make-up was quite out of topic, but somehow I did more trial and error recently than ever, so I assume maybe this feeling contributed to it.
For now, I really want to let this feeling go. I am happy at those little moments we met, or more little moments in my head.
I am finally ready to say that, for me wanting to be with you is enough.
With that being said, I’ll stop to live for the hope of it all.
That’s all for today, with love,
Nay
